I’ll
admit that back in the day, I used to take
pictures of myself with my SLR camera. Arms stretched out front, big
smile….then wait until the film got developed to see how much of my big head
got cut off and how much background was or was not included. Or, if I wanted to
be fancy, I could set the timer and run in front of the camera and try to get
settled before the shutter released. Then
wait until the film got developed to see whether I made it into the frame or was
even in focus. It was called a “self-portrait” then, but I guess that was too
long a word, and a process, to really catch on.
Fast
forward to digital cameras and camera phones and the self-ie thing has become
an artform of its own. Some people are pretty good at it and share interesting
photos that their idoling public, or at least friends, want to see. But some?
Some have taken the self-ie thing too far. And they need to stop.
“Getting
my praise on” Self-ie. Are you going to praise God or walk the runway? I know,
we all like to look good going to our houses of worship, I'm the first to plan
my outfit around the hat I want to wear. But be content with the “you sure do
look nice today” compliment from your fellow parishioners. Or at least just tag
your picture as your “Sunday outfit,” don’t try to make it some religious
calling.
Sweaty Self-ie. We know, you workout. We get it because we see your FitBit step
count, runwithme mileage post, your recipe for fat-reducing water and all of
the pictures of you before, during and after every sweat inducing movement. And
really, you don't look cute. None of us really do in the midst of a good
workout. Crossing the finish line at the Iron Man? Yup, we’ll “like” that. You
running a mile and doing a set of push-ups at the gym? Not so much.
Traveling
but No Scenery Self-ie. This is the picture of you standing there at some
glorious wonderful place but we can't even see the glorious wonderful place
because your big head is in the way. You
claim you are in Paris or Fiji or Egypt, but really you could be standing in
your own backyard for all we can tell.
Stopped
at a Red Light Self-ie. Why? Do you happen to catch a glimpse of yourself in
the rearview mirror and think “dang! I look good! Let me capture this moment
for my adoring fans.” But this is not as
bad as the not stopped at a red light, driving down the street self-ie. Please
stop.
The
Making Out Self-ie. You and your beau, or beau-for-the-minute, all over each
other? Yeah, don’t need to nor want to see that. Get a room. Turn off the
camera. (Yeah, I know some folks
actually get famous by not turning off the camera, but, is that what you're going for?)
Bathroom
Mirror Self-ie. Why are folks still doing this? I didn't understand why long
time ago, but now with cameras on either side of your phone, selfie-sticks
(ugh!) and a friend or two - why are folks still taking pics with the toilet
and their dirty laundry in the background?
Woke
up Like This Self-ie. You do know that
Beyonce doesn’t actually wake up looking like that, right? We don’t need the pic of you and your beau
cuddled up under the sheets. Or you waking up, sleepily gazing into your phone.
Unless your makeup girl and hairdresser tiptoe into your room before you open your
eyes, just wait. You can always take
your self-ie in the car on the way to the gym.
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